My hand turned me down
my being single is dangerous.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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