I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
