My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
