You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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