wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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