Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I can text with my tongue
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I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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