I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
