Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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