Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
