whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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