Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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