It's Friday. Sex?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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