We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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