she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
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You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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