did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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