He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
