saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
