If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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