Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
