i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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