talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
