Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
