just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
