So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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