Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
