Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
