I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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