so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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