Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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