I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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