You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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