I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
