your room smells of hookers.
And success
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
