We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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