You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
