I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm like, not good at living.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize