so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
