If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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