If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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