A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
