My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
