Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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