Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
