Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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