and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
