you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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