Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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