I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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