Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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