i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
