Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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