belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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