I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
