Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
