could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize