When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This house was built for laser tag.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
