I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize