you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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