Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
