Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
