just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
